Sometimes I surface after a number of spectacularly busy weeks and think, ‘how did my life get so busy?‘ To the point where there is a prevailing sense of guilt at wasting time or lazing around. I often take pleasure in reading books or watching DVDs but at the moment I can’t face the interior battle of ‘you should be doing your marketing assignment‘ fighting against ‘you’ve been working so hard and deserve this rest‘. Surely life was much easier in the past! The difficulty at the moment is working full-time and also trying to fit the professional marketing diploma I’m doing into my spare time. Big mistake – but I am almost half-way through the qualification and past the point of no return. I know further down the professional line this qualification will reap benefits but it is very difficult getting to the end of a busy working week and having to sit down at the weekend to study, leading to much moaning about the unfairness of the universe and general thrashing around.
The assignments are surprisingly big projects that are very time consuming. I’m about to finish my second one and then I have just two modules to complete – another project and an exam. I can’t wait to finish and get back to normality again. The most negative impact is how little time is often leftover to see family and friends, and to write. I am constantly apologising about not seeing people more often or going home. This leads to another lot of guilt. Not being creative has an extremely detrimental effect on me – it’s like an important channel or outlet has been bunged up and, much like a bottle filled with fizzy liquid, the pressure builds and the cork squeals and gasps. I hate not being able to write – truly hate it. My whole life feels off balance and I lose confidence in my ability to write. Once my course is finished, hopefully by next summer, I can start to unleash those creative energies that have been so unfairly abused. If I haven’t dried up by then.
As for now, well, I shall just have to buckle down and work hard and enjoy the small pleasures as and when they come. Husband and I are going to Berlin for a long weekend tomorrow which will be a nice change of scenery and a chance to relax and forget about how busy we both are. When I submit my assignment in July, I plan to take August off my diploma and start again in September. Hopefully I will be able to pick up some writing projects along the way and have some fun with family and friends. I also hope to post on my blog a little more regularly!